5 Tips for decreasing caregiver’s costs of caring for elderly parents.

Over 30 million Baby Boomers provide countless hours of assistance to elderly parents at no charge. It is estimated that, using average hourly wages, the total amount of this uncompensated care is comparable to the entire Medicare budget. For the estimated 7 million Boomers who provide long distance care, actual out of pocket expenses amount to almost $5,000 per month. For caregivers who have, or are considering leaving the workforce to care for an ailing parent, the costs are even greater over $650,000 in forfeited salaries, benefits and pensions.

This stark economic reality shows only one dimension of the price caregivers pay for this act of love.

Caregivers pay with losses that extend well beyond their bank accounts.

They often forego the activities that bring joy and richness to their lives, like meeting friends for dinner, or going out to the movies or taking family vacations. They pay with their time, the loss of professional opportunities and the erosion of personal relationships that result in isolation.

Sometimes, otherwise healthy loved ones need a short dose of care as they recover from an acute medical episode like a broken leg. Usually loved ones are on a path of steady decline with cascading assistance needs. Some caregivers sacrifice large chunks of their own lives as they help their parents and other family members and friends peacefully make their transitions. Caregivers can pay with their own health and well-being. In fact, we have evidence that some caregivers pay for their acts of care with their very lives.

You can decrease the personal and economic costs of care giving.

This means proactive planning rather than reactive responding. Planning saves money. You know this as you reflect upon your experiences of going to the grocery store with and without a shopping list. Planning also minimizes personal wear and tear and decreases stress. You will feel much better when you know your options.  And then develop back-up plans before you jump into a challenging project.

5 Tips to Decrease the Cost of Care giving:

Decreasing Caregiver’s Costs Tip #1:  Begin the conversation today.

We have tremendous cultural resistance to the recognition of aging, disability and death. Just as the first few steps uphill are the hardest, so, too, you may meet the greatest resistance.  That might show up by simply starting the conversation about their possible need for care. You could say “today, Mom and Dad, it would be great if you lived forever, but the discovery for the fountain of youth is nowhere on the horizon. What thoughts and plans do you have about enjoying your golden years?

Now that’s a rather difficult conversation to have, but if you wait too long, it becomes more like telling them what needs to happen, rather than listening to their thoughts and ideas.  For my parents, dad was well into his golden years and mom was barely starting hers.  They were 9 years apart in age.

Tip #2:  Create a plan.

Talk with your parents about their ideal plan if they are no longer able to care for themselves. Then, start to work toward that proactively. Investigate long-term care insurance. Draw up the appropriate legal documents. Find out who would make medical choices if they were not able to make them on their own.  Develop some guiding principles for the choices. You can anticipate and limit parental resistance.  Simply by saying, “Mom and Dad, I just got back from the lawyers office signing my will and durable medical power of attorney. I’ve asked Mitch to make my medical choices if I cannot make them myself. Just so you know, if I were in vegetative state, I wouldn’t want to be maintained on a machine. You probably already planned ahead too, right?”

See how they respond to such a statement, and then go from there.  I walked into a crisis already in progress.  However, rather than begin that difficult conversation, I took care of the crisis then observed how they did for a couple of days.  Only after observing them, I could really give them my assessment and make recommendations to them.  It’s not an easy conversation to have, but it is necessary.  I wish I had done it much, much sooner.

Decreasing Caregiver’s Costs Tip #3:  Use personal and community resources.

Make care giving a family job to which each member contributes. Even children can make grandmas life special with drawings and phone calls. Identify services that make your job as a caregiver easier. If you and your parents live in the same community, check with friends and neighbors and local organizations to learn about services and resources that will make your job easier. You say, Mom has just moved in with us, and she wants to find a card game with the girls. Do you know of any senior centers that have social events? How about transportation?

When I first discovered there was a problem, we got in touch with an “elder attorney”.  She was a tremendous source for not only sorting out the legal issues, but also putting us in touch with several community organizations that had services available to assist us.  One such organization updated my parent’s bathroom with grab bars and it was at no cost to us.

We’re a mobile society

Millions of caregivers live more than an hour away from their parents. Executive William Gillis learned from his own personal experience how challenging it is to identify community resources from afar. As he was carving the path that ultimately led his on-line portfolio management service, he became the caregiver for his father. Talk about mixed emotions! Professionally, he was introducing a service that let millions manage their investments with one click of a computer mouse. Personally, he was investing untold hours just to find one bit of information to help his dad.

As with so many innovators, he used his personal and professional experience to launch Parent Care.  Parent Care is a service that he wished would have made his life as a caregiver-at-a-distance easier.

Tip #4:  Gather cost-savings tips.

This might mean something as simple as ordering generic medication or regularly inquiring about senior discounts. But, most cost savings opportunities aren’t as obvious. For example,  some states will pay for phones for hearing, visually or mobility limited seniors.  Some fund home safety improvements. Mr Gillis said, “We’ve invested heavily to locate time and money saving resources that most would have difficulty finding. I made it a personal mission to help other caregivers avoid some of the costs and frustration I encountered.”  You don’t have to re-invent the wheel. Tap into the resources others have collected.

One way you can save money on is banking fees.  A useful resource I use is Chime by Bancorp.  It makes managing day to day expenses a breeze online.  It works just like most bank accounts.  There are checking and savings options and you can even get direct deposit.  My recommendation is, get an account for yourself, then set up one for your loved one to receive their social security and other direct deposits.  By doing so, you’ll get $50 from Chime, and so will your loved one when their first direct deposit over $250 hits their account.  There are no fees – hidden or otherwise for everyday banking.  This alone can help decrease caregiver’s costs.  Think how much money that alone can save you!  I still use Chime today.

Decreasing Caregiver’s Costs Tip #5:  Take care of yourself.

You will be able to provide the best care as a caregiver when you’re at your best. Get good nutrition, enough sleep and regular exercise. Manage your stress and do a little something every day to nurture your soul. Understand that you are at increased risk for anxiety, depression, and weakening your immune system. Talk to your doctor if you see worrisome signs.  Signs such as problems sleeping, changes in appetite or loss of interest in activities you enjoy.

Despite the costs, most caregivers say that they received much more than they gave. Most say they would do it again, and many do. (I would definitely do it again!)

Sometimes the question is not the personal cost of care giving; its the value that you bring to the lives of others that matter at the end. What personal cost are you willing to pay for the:

• privilege of helping those who welcomed you into the world?
• opportunity to allow them to enjoy their golden years?
  
• honor to travel the road of illness with love and dignity alongside them?